For anyone that doesn't know, I am a middle school teacher and have been for the last 7 years. I teach 7th and 8th grade special education language arts. I love my job. It is crazy. It is stressful. It takes up so much of my time that if I put it all down on a time sheet it would amaze you. It is expensive. It is rewarding. I became a teacher because I love to help people. I thought that the best way to do that was to start when people are young, maybe be a sense of guidance before they made the mistakes that I learned from already. My hope was to encourage kids to learn. I wanted them to know that even with the limitations that they may have, or the struggles that they face with learning; if they really put in the work, if they really tired, they could do anything at all they wanted. I was here to help and inspire them. I swore I would never teach to a test.
I started like any young teacher starts. I had fun and interesting ideas. I stayed to late. I decorated my classroom with bright colors. We talked about the quote of the day because I love quotes. We read books that made my cry and laugh in class. The kids had fun. I had fun. They were learning.
I never have gotten away from that, but as the years have progressed society has begun to tell me that I am not good at my job. I am being told that I have to be better. I am being told that it is my SOLE responsibility to make my students learn, and that they all learn the same. I am now being told that my job depends on how my students preform on a standardized test.
My students are below grade level. They are not at 7th and 8th grade reading levels. Some of them are closer to the 3rd and 4th grade levels. I have a few that are even lower. They struggle with reading comprehension. They don't have the tools to write a good sentence let alone good paragraphs. They struggle and that is ok because it was my job to fill in those gaps. It was supposed to be my job to slow things down for them. I was supposed to be able to give them those foundations that they missed along the way and begin to push them to their own personal limits and then show them that they can do even better then they ever thought possible.
This is no longer a possibility. Over the last two years, a new evaluation system has been put into place for teachers. The math and language arts teachers in middle school now have their final end of the year evaluations based off of their students scores on a standardized test. There is no consideration taken for students in the special education programs and students in basic skills classes. Each students is tested and this score gets figured into our evaluations at the end of the year. In our district, we just received our scores from last year. My student's scores put me into the 1 category for that part of the evaluation. I was not the only one in my department because the reality is that our students do not test well, and they are not taking a test that is on their level at all. This effected my final evaluation for the year. I was now a partially ineffective teacher and will need to have an action plan put into place for this year. OH! I forgot to mention. I was also teacher of the year last year. All in the same year I was teacher of the year AND partially ineffective in the classroom. There is something wrong with this system.
We are being directed by the high powers that be to teach to these tests.
We are being told all the time to take precious class time in labs to practice taking these tests. We are not teaching our children. We are telling them HOW to take a test. There is no critical thinking involved. There is no love for learning being facilitated. I have never in my life felt more lost. My time was cut in half this year. I went from 90 minutes of class time to 45 minutes. (I feel that 90 minutes is perfect for a language arts class. We are teaching two completely different skills and that is a hard thing to do in a 45 minute time frame with students who are slower learners and need extra time for things.) I was told that this was done so that I could mirror a general education classroom.
I feel like a brand new teacher this year. I have had to change everything I have done over the last 7 years. We haven't been able to play any fun games. I haven't been able to plan any fun events. This is because my students move slower. It takes them double the amount of time it would take a general education students to complete something like a simple essay or a simple worksheet. I have not been able to work on the writing basics and the parts of speech because I am told that is not in the core content curriculum standards for 7th grade. I have to teach right to the standards...even though they don't have the foundations to even begin to work on those standards.
I am lost. I am torn between doing things that I KNOW worked for my students, and doing what I am told I have to do in order to keep my job. Things and activities that I know helped give them the foundations that they needed and helped them to really start to enjoy reading and writing. I feel like am failing my kids. I don't know what else I can do. This is one of the most frustrating things I have ever come across.
Parents are demanding that teachers be held accountable. The lawmakers, in order to appease parents and get their votes, are making laws to hold us accountable by testing their kids. Parents then in turn say that their kids are not learning and that there is too much testing. This is a horrible cycle and it needs to be stopped. We need to pause, hit delete, and start from scratch. Much of what is happening now is due to poor understanding and misinformation on all ends, and you know who suffers from all of this? The kids. I sometimes wish that people could spend one week in my job.
I wish that they could work the 14+ hour days, put in that extra time on the weekends and during the holidays, work through a time when it is supposed to be your vacation, no be able to take a vacation, spend your own money so that you can do your job, and in the end take home almost half of what you make on paper. I don't do what I do because the pay and the benefits are spectacular. I would probably make the same amount of money if I worked in retail.
Now please do not misunderstand me. I am in no way says that teachers should not be held accountable, and that tests be should not look at as a TOOL. I feel that if this continues on the path that we are on there is going to be no turning back soon. Education is becoming a business. There is no place for that in education, and if I hear one more person tell me that it is just the way things are I am going to freak out. Just because that is the way things are doesn't make it right, and it does not mean that it shouldn't change. I do not want to sit by and watch the public education system turn into a business venture. I do not want to watch as it becomes and avenue for people to get their name out there in the world so they can feel good about themselves. I want it to be a place to inspire the minds of tomorrow. I want it to be a safe place where kids are excited to go and where they grow.
I just don't know what to do to fix it. I cannot just keep doing what I am doing....because just teaching my kids isn't working anymore. I am not able to....if you have the answers.....please.....guide me....help get me out of the fog I am in because the reality is....our children's futures depend on it.
